The Day Job Debate

This is just a sidenote:

I am very grateful for my day job. I am able to take jobs I couldn't take otherwise (because they don't pay). I was talking to a friend today and told him I went to NYC last weekend to check out the Under the Radar festival and he asked if someone sent me or if I paid for it and I told him I paid for it. He asked how? I have a day job as a nanny. No one makes fun of you for that. He was jealous. He works in theatre, does a lot of work he doesn't want, doesn't have time to skip town for a festival he wanted to see, and doesn't have the extra cash to do it. A stable day job is a really great thing to have when you're first getting out there. Sure, it restricts you sometimes, but it also offers you some great freedoms.

Finishing Up 2010 - It's All In The Timing

So I haven't posted on this thing in awhile. A lot of things have happened that I am not going to chronicle. I'm a little less focused on theatre, but I'll catch you up on what I have been doing in the vein since October...

1. Associate Designer for A Broadway Christmas Carol. I sent an email with my resume and a link to my portfolio on my website to a local designer and he just happened to need some help on a show coming up. He didn't ask to meet me or anything, but offered me $200 to help him out of the show. The biggest lesson I have learned is everything really is all a matter of timing. He needed someone - I emailed him at that time. It's the same way in some of the opposite situations. You email people, but they don't need any help so they may not even reply.

Anyway, He was going to miss 6 hours of one of the days of tech so he offered to make me his associate instead of assistant. The show was a campy musical, rewriting famous Broadway songs lyrics to tell the story of a Christmas carol and the theatre had an Express (Theatre II board). So I considered saying no because I didn't want to get in over my head and slow down tech, but then I just went for it. And it was awesome. Brian, the designer, is awesome and laid back. The process was relatively smooth. The show was written before he left tech so I just got to play a little, finness, and fix notes from the director. One day when we didn't have much to do before a preview Brian sat down with me and gave me feedback on my website. Overall it was a great experience and I got PAID to do what I want to do.

2. The Artistic Director of Artists Bloc (an artist collective in DC I'm a member of) emailed me and asked me if I'd like to help out on a workshop production of a "promenade performance/installation/party/Happening" (as he phrased it) that they were in the process of creating. It would not pay anything, but great people were attached and it was unlike anything that was going on in DC that I had seen so far. So obviously I said yes. We spent a week on the project. The 'creative team' (5 of us - director, writer, scenography (she's from Georgia... the country), and 2 of us assistants) set up the space and scavenged the theatre for props and things, creating as we went. Then we spent the weekend in the Kennedy Center rehearsing the piece with 30ish volunteer actors. We did one dress rehearsal was a very small audience and then another with a larger invited audience. It was a really exciting process - the kind of work I want to do - and I met a lot of really great people. It was great! I'm not sure how I got this opportunity. I met the director briefly when I became a member of Artists Bloc and ran into him at Broadway Christmas Carol (he is also a photographer). He knew I was interested in creating new work for Artists Bloc so perhaps that's why he asked me.

3. Then. I went home for the holidays for a week. I was offered crew sub ins (one backstage, one sound op, and one light op) for a couple of shows during the holidays, but it was really important to me to be able to go home so I said no.

Lesson I learned in the last few days of 2010:

See Theatre.

It's so hard to do because we're always DOING theatre and there's no time to SEE theatre.

But do it as often as you can.

You learn about your craft

You learn about who you want to work with and what theatres you want to work in

You meet people

You get your face known around the local theatres

You have something to talk to people about (or a source of flattery) when you want to work with them. (I saw your design of this show.. blahblah)

But most importantly

you learn about the work. we should be constantly learning about the work

A Turning Point, A Revamp, A Purpose

DISCLAIMER: This post is not really part of my chronicling of my theatre work since graduation. It is my turning point. As for what I've been doing: Tech is this weekend for the show I am associate designing. I am pumped about that. I just finished working on Ameriville - the group is a touring group (Universes) and they just left. They'll be in NYC at The Public Theatre in January and if you're around you must see them. I'll be making a trip up mid-January. I just got my paycheck for the AD position I am doing at Folger in March. We are having our first read for designers on Monday (the show opens in April). I'm ready to create new work.

NOW For the Disclaimed:

If you've been reading or speaking to me lately you know I've been struggling with purpose, with being relatively successful and not feeling successful. I had chocked it up to still needing to adjust, but a lot of recent events, which I can go into later have led to a reevaluation and now I am lit up. I feel like I am on fire because I am so excited. I have been wrong for the last 22 years and it feels so good to know that. I have a purpose for my life and, therefore, for my work.

So I wrote what I started calling a "manifesto" today because I was overwhelmed. It's long. You don't have to read it. It's summarized in 12 points at the end if you're only interested in that. If you're super religious don't read the God part - it is not meant to offend, but rather to explain part of why I know humanity is so important. I love it. I am tingling.

Creating a World of Simple Superheroes

Manifesto: a public declaration of principles and intentions, and of the theories and directions of a movement.

The World or America as part of The World:

The world is made up of people.

People are the most important thing. What connection is more fulfilling or true or alive?

We are currently severely alienated and disconnected from each other as humans.

We live behind walls, work, crossed arms, screens, and headphones.

Technology is becoming the primary mode of connection. How do we feel more connected to someone we just sent an abbreviated text to than the people in the room around us? We allow that to happen.

We are sometimes unsure if we even really know those closest to us

Those that do feel connected to those closest to them often don’t consider acquaintances or people they may never meet.

Events (and the people they affect) that are not in our near vicinity do not matter.

We value material things, power, employment, status, art, and work over people.

Our society, our government, our religions foster fear.

The statistics are astonishing. Divorce, unemployment, homelessness.

Illness has taken over our people. Everyone seems to be on some kind of medication and most of them are treating (or not treating) depression.

Humanity has become lost in a world it created.

“Not my problem.”

The world is made up of good people who are not all the way awake.

These people are so smart and able to change.

We are small. We know it, we can feel it, we can see it. We don’t know what the bigger thing is. We want it to be something we can actually grasp onto without feeling lost in our smallness. Humanity is the huge web that we are small within. Humanity is tangible. You can touch the little strings of the whole and the whole is affected. We are small, but we are powerful.

Because of the basic tenets of humanity this society has created a world that is difficult to live in. So people are ready for change.

Humans

With all our differences, when boiled down to our very cores we are all humans. We are all connected under humanity. We want the same very basic thing: we want to be wanted, needed. We have the same basic emotions. We know what tears feel like when we see them on another person's cheek.

Humans are, at their cores, good.

We are constantly progressing. We are so smart. We are quick. We are driven. We are kind.

Too many humans feel like they are suffering.

Some humans are truly suffering. (Picture of a young girl in Africa with the vulture behind her, tragedy victims, etc.)

We are unaware of our fellow humans, their plights, their humanity.

If we are aware we think we cannot help or choose not to. Everything is too big.

We label people as different from ourselves for a thousand different reasons.

All human negativity is driven by loneliness and/or fear. Insecurity is a form of fear. Our current society is fostering a sort of widespread loneliness that is detrimental to its people.

“If I see a person talking on the phone I want to know what that conversation is.” They are crying because there is no warmth besides the heat created from their phone battery against their wet face.

People are not bad; most of us are just not fully awake and may stay in an early morning haze our entire lives. Early morning hazes can be refreshing. They can also waste the rest of the day if we don’t move into the full heat of the afternoon.

We are a product of our society. Society is our product created over time. It is an endless chicken and egg cycle that we have the ability to change. People are ready for the heat. (I typo-ed this as heart the first time...)

Religion

Some force kicked the world into motion, call it God if you like. I believe in God. I do not believe in a "religion." Religions were created by men because of a fear caused by not knowing what the force, God, was. I cannot believe because why would God divide us into so many different sects that call each other wrong? That damn each other? That damn their own for being the way they were born or for doing things that make them happy and do not harm others?

The world is good. God must be good. This God religions have created is not and so, for me, cannot exist.

People created rules and images they could hold onto in order to not be afraid of what God might be. If there is a God that cares about our actions, we are not alone. If there is a God with rules that lead to some sort of reward then there is purpose in life. I do not blame people for giving themselves this structure to feel safe within and truly do not wish to tear it from them. But this safety people fabricate in religion actually exists in humanity. If we give ourselves to each other, we are not alone. When we are in communion with humanity, we are in communion with the world and the force that created it. Fight for humanity. You will live in salvation rather than wait for it. And what God would not love you for being good to people?

I believe in a force bigger than myself. I believe in a God. I do not believe in a religion. I believe in humanity. And I believe in fighting for them, not damning them. God does not need us, but we sure as hell need each other.

Living for Humanity

We have to engage in the world immediately around us. We have to be aware. We have to care. We have to be critical. We have to improve. We have to love. We have to respond.

We have to find ways to dissolve our fear of openness and vulnerability. We have to embrace kindness, openness, and each other. It is absolutely necessary to tear walls down and take headphones out. It is impossible to foster community with crossed arms. If you are not open and comfortable, no one will feel comfortable being open with you and that connection is what we want. What we need. Be someone people want to be around. That is the beginning of the revolution.

We have to take care of each other. We are completely responsible for each other, for the people we see every day, for the people we will never see.

What would it be like to know someone else (whether they could or not) wanted to fight your fight. A friend, a stranger. I want to fight your fight. We have to invest in each other's happiness.

We must be genuinely curious about the people around us. We must engage wholly with people. We must become aware of ourselves and the situation humanity is in. This awareness then must feed into a fight, a revolution. We must challenge the state we are in.

Who will be there if a disaster strikes at this second? Do you know the people around you? How did you just treat them? Do you know your neighbors, your community, your friends, your family? What suffering human body is draped over the Plexiglass box you live in?

Things that are fulfilling. things we need. things we can provide:

Fostering ensembles/communities
Taking Risks
Exploding with hope
Provoking a discussion
Creating a smile
Warmth
Security
Inspiring change and hope
Simple positivity
Genuine engaged listening
Working together
Touch

The Theatre I Want:


“Why do you do theatre?”
“Because it is important. Because it is powerful”
And now I know how this thing I have always said can be, and is, actually true.

Theatre is a platform with creative juices that make it less dull, less intimidating than a podium with a microphone. It is a forum for change. It can be anything and it has an audience.

But it is not a soapbox. After 22 years a succession of experiences over 6 months with a significant 1 week climax led to my “revelation.” We cannot force these findings on audiences. We must only plant the seed and reinforce with dialogue.

This theatre must be accessible.
This theatre is not art for art’s sake.
This theatre does not have rules about form or structure
This theatre must challenge, move, and respond honestly
This theatre must be followed by talk back sessions
This theatre must be created by a multidisciplinary ensemble

This theatre must:
engage it’s artists in their world and community.
respond to our situation and people with brutal honesty and genuine hope
support community and provide hope
foster human connection
relieve the suffocation
reach people on a visceral level

This theatre should help people:

Wake up
Want to be engaged in their community
Feel responsible for each other
Actively hope for (and with) humanity.

Me

I feel powerful. I am smart. I am driven. I am aware. I am young. I am exploding with hope. I am supposed to do this and I can. I am on fire. I cannot do it myself, but I can fuel it.

Theatre is what I (or we, depending on who you are) do. I should use what I know and love to spread the truth I believe, start the discussions, provoke change, and promote hope. I am young. I am small, but not in an insignificant way. I can shake the web.

Simple Superheroics in 12 Points

1. People are the most important thing.

2. We are each a small part of the whole of humanity.

3. Humanity is tangible. We can affect the whole by touching just one. Humanity ripples because we are all connected.

4. As different as we all think we are from one another, are are all humans and at our cores we want the same basic things and feel the same basic emotions.

5. People are good.

6. All human negativity is either based in loneliness or fear.

7. Our society, and we, as part of it, has somehow driven out human connection and degraded the importance of community, often replacing it with technology.

8. Currently much of our world is therefore fostering loneliness and capitalizing on fear. This has created unhappiness, but also a readiness (if only subconsciously) of people for change.

9. We, as humans who are a piece of the whole of humanity, are responsible for each other.

10. We must take care of each other. To do this we must engage wholly in our immediate world and with the people around us. We must be aware, we must respond, we must discuss, we must challenge, and we must care. We must want to fight each other’s fights.

11.Hope is not passive. We must explode with hope for humanity.

12. As an artist I must use my forum to respond to our situation. I must create work that is critical, challenging, and hopeful in order to provoke discussion and, ultimately, change. The timing is right; people are ready.

This is essential.

ThThank you to my family, Universes, Carmen, Scorched, Spinoza, and good people for incredible inspiration. And Brandon, for the title :)

Ameriville

Ameriville is a touring show that is running for 3 weeks in Maryland. I got the follow spot op job on the show because I had done over hire LX work there.

We went in the first day and were provided with track sheets (there are 2 follow spots). We worked through the show, the SM would call what happened with spots before it happened. Tech was slow. The spots are on the catwalk directly above the center of the house so we cannot have things to entertain us up there with us. The show is 90 minutes without an intermission. There is a talk back after every show. (These are fascinating since the company writes and performs their own work and they have been working together for 14 years.)

Everyone has been really cool about the spots. We were relatively awful at it the first couple of days. No one was angry. The other spot op is typically a sound board op for the theatre and hasn't done lighting work before. The spots at this particular theatre are actually Source 4s in some sort of spot conversion contraption that is really cool. They also have color boomerangs inserted in the gel slot in the front which makes it harder to spot. I'm getting the hang of it and now it's fun.

The company is really awesome. They are all gracious and very talented. I love the talk backs. They are doing the kind of work that I want to be doing later. AND traveling the world with it.

Oh and PS - The theatre in the post below has an ETC Express!!!!!! I. am. so. excited.

And the ME is adding me to his overhire list as well as forwarding my name to the artistic director for future programming and design work.

The Best Thing Ever

Holy. shit.

I just got offered the most incredible opportunity. I am not sure if I can take it yet, but I am so excited about the possibility.

I emailed a designer in the area and told him I was interested in assisting him. He didn't reply for 2 weeks, then he replied and said he had some projects coming up he needed an assistant on and he'd love to sit down and talk portfolios.

I replied honestly saying I was excited, but as a recent graduate my print portfolio is a work in progress, but I'd still love to get his feedback on it. In the meantime he could view my website portfolio.

He didn't reply so I figured he was like "silly kid I need a real assistant."

16 days later he emailed me and offered me an assistant position. He said he was sorry about the delay with his emails - he's planning a wedding. He's designing A Broadway Christmas Carol and won't be there for 6 1/2 hours of tech so he needs an assistant who can cover those hours and be at the rest of tech. He offered money... to do what I really want to do.

I told him I was excited about the opportunity, but I wanted to make sure I was clear on how he uses an assistant before I committed. (I wanted to see if he would have me drafting or updating paperwork, which would be a problem since I no longer have student versions of that software.)

He said he needs someone to write cues (!!!) while he's not there during tech and then lots of other assistant-y type things when he is there (taking notes, tracking the follow spot, etc). He said since I would be writing cues he could make me an associate (!!!) instead of an assistant. (This is nuts, kids.)

I am so pumped about this. So incredibly pumped.

Here's my hesitation: I assumed there would be a programmer (I have no idea what kind of board they have) but I did a little research - aka I texted the people I knew in DC asking if any of them had worked at this particular theatre. V (sound designer) said she hadn't but a friend (a lighting designer, how convenient) had. He said the designers there typically program for themselves.

See, I refuse to take the job if I know I will slow down tech at all when he leaves so I have to be super prepared. And I know I can be prepared by memorizing the paperwork and knowing the plot like the back of my hand. I also know I can pick up on his aesthetic to be consistent and efficient, but if I'm also programming I need to already know the board.

SO I'm waiting to hear what kind of board they have and if this show in particular will have a programmer or not. I asked the designer these questions (and also told him everything sounded great and I was excited to be involved.) I also emailed the ME at the theatre, asking if they employ programmers and sending him my resume (because, hey, if I don't get this job might as well apply for another, also I like programming and could perhaps do it for them in the future).

IN ADDITION I did a little stalking. V gave me the MEs information when I asked her about the theatre so I googled and found him on LinkedIn. I looked at his special skills and he is proficient in ETC Express and Strand520i - both of the boards I know from college. Express is the board I have worked on for every show so far in DC as well. He also has "limited working knowledge" of Eos and Ion - boards I don't know well. I am assuming that since he is the ME of the space he is proficient in its board so it is PROBABLY one of the first two - which I know. SO that'd be great. I am getting to be very excellent at people research.

I want to take it so badly.

So there's that.

I'm also working on Ameriville, which has been really exciting. Post about that later.

Navigating Freedom and Hydroplaning

A big part of graduating is learning how to navigate all of the tricky things that come with being free. It's not just about trying to find theatre work and this the ability to navigate freedom directly relates to your success in finding work, I think. At least that's my excuse for using this blog as an outlet for some of my 20something turmoil.

My thoughts. In two parts.

Part I: The New York Times outrage

I spend a lot of my time with people in their late twenties and thirties. I really know very few people who are my age here. Part of the reason is probably because I'm playing small roles in big theatres so I'm working in a circle of older established people, which is so fortunate for me, but keeps me constantly aware of my age. I am, however, coming to embrace the energetic cute 22 year old stereotype I am assigned, as long as everyone knows that energy is married to utter determination.

Then a friend (who is 29) was talking to me about how the "20somethings" have kind of disappeared. She hasn't met any in the 'business' recently, with me as an exception. She brought up this article in the Times. What I took from the article were two things about the 20-somethings: that we are refusing to grow up/be adults and that we are spending our 20s mindlessly exploring while not being adults.

While I am not completely independent from my parents yet (health insurance and college loans) I am out of their house and I have a day job to support myself while I figure out what I want to do. I don't think I'm refusing to grow up at all. However, I am exploring. Because I am not settling. Settling would be a mistake, for me. I don't think this makes me less of an adult; I think it makes me more of one. I am not scared of freedom in a way that would confine me to making choices that keep me safe. People in their 20s have all their options open to them and it's childish to not take advantage if you want them. Yes, I want to travel. But I'm not begging anyone for money to do it. I'm saving out of every week of work. I'm supporting my mindful explorations. I'm fueling the world around me with my 20something energy that radiates optimism (why is that negative now?) and drive. That doesn't make me a child, that makes me a force.

And if they created a government program to support us and ease the transition into adulthood I think that would just further delay it. Though I'd love a bond to travel. hah.

Here's a response to the Times that I read and stole the Kafka quote from: http://thefastertimes.com/voyeurism/2010/08/25/20-somethings-you-are-free-and-that-is-why-you-are-lost/

Soap box done.

Part 2: Okay so that was kind of irrelevant, but this is actually the point

The point is what all of that got me thinking about: why do I feel like I'm a floundering 20something when I'm actually doing really well in a lot of respects? (I call this relevant because I think a lot of recent grads feel a little lost no matter what they're doing.)

"You are lost and that is because you are free." -Kafka

I dove in. I moved to a new city within a month of graduating with the promise of an unpaid month-long job. And now I'm here. And I'm finding ways to open up so many doors for myself. I've met wonderful people. I've managed to be working in a theatre at least once every week. I'm constantly recalculating. I'm learning how to dig into people. I'm making decisions. I'm changing my mind. I love it. It feels like I have every option in front of me and, though I sometimes feel like I should, I don't have to choose one yet.

But there's a feeling of constant hydroplaning (a freedom from traction). I'm not completely in contact with the ground, which is terrifying and completely exhilarating. It doesn't mean I'm not progressing. It just means I don't feel in control of that progression.

The problem is I haven't found a point of stability yet, a point at which I am confident I will regain contact with the ground. Those points are kind of handed to you within the structure of schooling and the life I've lived up to this point. Now I am jumping from job to job: different positions, different theatres, different people. I'm also still adjusting to a completely new place, I know very few people here well enough to really be comfortable, my day job isn't something I want to do forever, etc etc. So, for me, I need to find a point of stability, one thing I know is consistent, so everything else can continue to be flexible. Because I like to hydroplane.

I don't know if that makes sense. What I mean is, I loved that I was overwhelmed at school and did everything - I jumped from electrician to designer to director to assistant and loved it. BUT I knew that in the morning I had class. For a couple of hours I regained contact because I had something that happened every week that I could expect (and people I knew would be there); it served as an anchor (albeit sometimes an annoying one) for everything else to swirl around. There is nothing in my post-grad life like that yet.

I think that anchor can be anything really. A person, a group of people, a place, an activity - something you know is consistent. Something that makes you feel safe for just a second. That second of safety fuels the ability to not be in contact with the ground the rest of the time.

Because I like hydroplaning. I need to spin and discover and wonder and be free. I'll slam into a choice when it's time.

So... post grad life lesson - find an anchor on a long leash so you can contact the ground once in awhile? Or stay out of the rain.

Sidenote: I think for a lot of other recent grads the problem is the opposite: too many options can freeze people. So instead of hydroplaning they are unmoving on a road soaked with possibilities. The car works. The downpour is purifying. Buckle an anchor into the passenger seat and go.

Update (Follow Spot, Arena, Gala)

So I found out at least one person reads this! Hooray!

So I wanted to update,

but I don't really have much to say...

I am currently working as a follow spot operator on this: http://www.roundhousetheatre.org/newsitem/ameriville-press-release/

Last night I attended the Forum Gala which was very cool. I am officially a company member which I'm stoked about and may have already mentioned.

I'm sending in my contract for the AD position at Folger tomorrow. The first read is Nov 15, rehearsals start in March.

I have a very big theatre gap in my season. I don't have any projects November - February. This makes me nervous, but I'm sure things will happen. I'm not being too passive about it.

I mentioned to the PSM at Roundhouse (where I'm follow spot oping) that I'd like to get involved in their Education Department and she said she's get me the information for the heads of the department and mention me to them.

I am on the overhire list at Arena Stage. The ME called me and asked me to come in so he could show me the space. They have a brand new space (3 actually) that they moved into this summer. So I did. He showed me around the theatres and then we sat in the house as they built Oklahoma (yes...) and he talked to me about the electrics schedule for the next few weeks and said I could come in any day I could get off my day job. He also said I could even just come in the mornings before my day job starts at 1. I'm excited about doing that next week.

Also - I cleaned out my theatre file box today. I have every piece of paper from all of Dr. Beck's classes still. I threw some out. I also found my job recommendation letters from Kate and Dr. Beck which almost made me cry. haha.

So I'm just hanging out.